Dear friends: Dolly died on September 11, 2006, at 10:00 P.M. In her last days she was cared for by kind nurses in a wonderful hospice, who made sure that her needs were met and that she was pain-free. Thanks to her daughter, Dolly knew that she was loved and not alone, and accepted her fate bravely and with characteristic humor, right up to the end. We leave Dolly's "Pearls of Wisdom" here on the web as a tribute to her sunny disposition, her unfaltering optimism, and her love of life.
- What would we do without grocery stores? We'd all starve to death.
- Sunday through Monday: 12 days every week.
- Rock-a-bye-baby.... Who the heck would put a baby on a tree top? They've got to be nuts.
- There's such a thing as lip sync. I don't know what the hell that is all about.
- There's no such thing as a friendly fruit.
- Too bad rain doesn't come in different flavors.
- Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh were the most beautiful couple on the planet of the apes.
- Men are gorgeous, women are handsome; what else is there to think about?
- This is very cold. Did it come from the microwave?
- I'm not angry when I look in the mirror; I'm comfortable with my looks.
- Everybody blows their nose eventually.
- I have a big mouth, but I'm comfortable with it.
- Do I like spaghetti?
- Is corn related to corn flakes?
- I'm not ready to die yet, so keep up the good work.
- You can't say no to corn. It wouldn't answer you, anyway.
- Sometimes I can make myself laugh all day.
- I agree with myself.
-
A kiss in time saves mine.
- The windows are wide open, even though it’s summer time.
- I have good memorabilia; I'm not senile.
- I'm an old fossil, but I look pretty nice.
- I'm a crotch potato.
- Women have nice pussycats, and you know what men have: straight as an arrow.
- Farts are embarrassing – especially in cars.
- Women have crotches and men have crotches. Unfortunately.
- I'm your mother-out-law. Oh, I mean your mother-in-law.
- Gee, you do all the dishes, but I guess that's something husbands do these days. Why discriminate?
- Men marrying men, women marrying women: there'd be no reproduction if that happened.
- Animals have hearts, too, just like people.
- I'm like Albert Einstein: I figure things out.
- You're like a father to me, even though you're my son-in-law.
- If you don't have your health, you don't have anything.
- Gee, I hope I'm not losing it upstairs.
- I read that bananas are very healthy, and also animals.
-
Is it 3:00 AM or PM?
- What would we do without cows? We wouldn't have milk, and we wouldn't have delicious ham sandwiches.
- I could be as funny as Jack Benny if I were female.
- Why is that show called "Sex In The City"? People don't have sex in cities, they have sex in bedrooms.
- I'm your looney-tunes mother-in-law. Who could ask for anything more.
- I want to die laughing, instead of the usual way.
- My daughter is a handsome dam, and you're a gorgeous bullet.
- You're my daughter; I was there when I birthed you.
- If I'm alive with you in the future, I want to die laughing.
- If Albert Einstein was still alive, I could be his wife.
- I don't have Alzheimer's. If I did, I wouldn't say these things.
- I had a wonderful education, from A to Z.
- Hemorrhoids are addictive.
- Arthritis is a pain in the neck.
- I love plants. I'm always accessible to them.
- Killer elephants? What do they do, squeeze you to death with their nostrils?
- Hemorrhoids are a pain in the ass.
- My daughter treats me like a mother.
-
Boy, these refrigerators keep things real cold.
- Apples are a girl's best friend.
- I don't like to sleep a lot, but I rest my case.
- Big lips sink ships.
- I'm a think tank.
- History changes things.
- Gee, Oprah Winfrey is on TV at 1:30 in the morning. Doesn't she get any sleep?
- I used to see Michael Landon on TV years ago, before he died, and I haven't seen him since.
- Easter is a famous holiday. It usually comes on a Sunday.
- If UFOs weren't real, they wouldn't bother to put them on TV.
- If artists sell all these paintings, what's going to be left to hang in the galleries?
- Can you believe it: Pope John forbids the use of condoms for men. That's in Iraq, right?
- Apparently, if you sign up for AOL you get a free virus.
- Laugh and the world laughs with you; die and you die alone.
- Joan Rivers has had so many face lifts it's ridiculous. At least she still looks good.
-
Good thing they have animal shelters for people who don't take care of their animals.